I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
