what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm at about main and main street
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
