Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
