Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
