I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
