I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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