i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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