He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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