Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
