I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
