Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
