She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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