God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize