Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh god it's open bar.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
