There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
