The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found the puke drawer
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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