how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize