Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
