I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
