Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
