blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize