I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
