He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
