i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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