my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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