Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize