yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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