sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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