Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
