i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
