Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
