Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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