Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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