No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize