U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
