Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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