You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
