You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i think i just lost a toe
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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