Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I CAN MOONWALK!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
