I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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