I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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