no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
