I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Less talking, more tequila
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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