cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
