well I can't set my house on fire every night
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
