I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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