U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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