having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
