Screwed.edu
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
