Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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