I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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