did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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