Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
