I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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