I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
