There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
