just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bring money and cleavage
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
