had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
