I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
