I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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