sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
