you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
