Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
