The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
