Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
