Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
