question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
