the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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