respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize