Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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