sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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