have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
