so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
