I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
