I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize