It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
