Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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