I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize