I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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