It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Randomize
