it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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