The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
