I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
