wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
