I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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