do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
