I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
