We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Alive.
So much puke
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
