its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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