you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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