I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize