Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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