woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
