I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The power of my boobs compel you
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