I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
