Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
