nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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