theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
