he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
