Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
