Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
