Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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