just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
