I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
