yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
